Article III, Finances

In order for the good work of The Preservation Society to move forward, a sizable wealth must be accumulated. The cost of combating an enemy as nebulous as certainty requires resources and the ability to delegate those resources in an equally nebulous way. Below is a whole-assed explanation of the collection mechanisms and a half-assed explanation of how funds are released.

Article III, Section 1. Member Compensation

It is with great pleasure that The Preservation Society is able to offer the sum of $100 to every individual upon joining our ranks. To our knowledge, we are the only organization that compensates our members upon induction and prior to any service being performed. Our ability to offer The Reward of Induction to our members is the direct result of numerous small benefactors who consistently make nominal contributions to The Society. The Preservation Society is a non-501(c)3 entity and diligently abstains from governmental oversight regarding our financial solvency. You're welcome.

Article III, Section 2. Member Dues and Fees

In light of the $100 Reward of Induction, The Preservation Society is obliged to charge each new member several small fees, duties, and penalties in order to expedite the inductee’s initiation.

The following amounts can be deducted from the Reward of Induction or submitted separately at the time of induction.

• The Initiation Fee covers the cost of processing and filing the member's initial paperwork. - $5

• The Membership Fee entitles the member to all rights and privileges outlined in the Articles of Incorporation and Conduct Bulletin - $7.50

• The Permanent Trust Fund Contribution ensures the future of The Preservation Society by increasing our wealth reserve - $3

• The Operating Fee affords The Preservation Society the funds to purchase paper-clips and other such official supplies - $5.50

• The Building Trust Contribution squirrels away resources that we might someday build an underground facility for our above ground monument known as The Preservation Society Oralacle of Mysteries - $2.50

• The Loss and Damages Trust Contribution covers the cost of repairs to property, person, or livestock damaged during official proceedings - $3

• The Pin of Distinction Rental Fee covers the rental cost of the members Pin of Distinction furnished by The Preservation Society Company Store - $10

• The Preservation Society Starter Kit Provides the member with all documents and chachkies essential to maintaining their good standing - $6

• Shipping and Handling of The Preservation Society Starter Kit ensures that the member receives their Starter Kit by the most cost-effective method of post available - $4.50

• The Late Member Induction Penalty is a small penalty is incurred for not having signed up earlier. It’s never too late but one day, it will be - $1

• The Sarsaparilla Fund covers the cost of justifiable rainy day expenditures - $2

• The Pre-paid Retribution Bond is a pre-paid bond that can be used as payment for any fee which results from retributive measures levied by The a Preservation Society against the member - $15

• The Research and Development Trust ensures that The Preservation Society remains on the cutting edge of all technological and ideological methods as we combat certainty - $5

• Your First year Annual Dues —In an uncharacteristic move of generosity, The Preservation Society offers a discounted rate on a member’s annual dues when paid upon induction to the society. Again, you’re welcome - $10

• The Sansarsaparilla Fund contribution is not to be confused with The Sarsparilla Fund, The Sansarsaparilla Fund Contribution covers the cost of any unjustifiable rainy day expenditures incurred by The Preservation Society - $30

Article III, Section 3. Our Subsequent Pot of Monies

The best way to describe The Preservation Society Board of Dictatorial Governance’s discretionary use of funds from the Pot of Monies is to say that it's like giving a child a bicycle bell, a pitcher of grape Kool-Aid and an absence of parental supervision. When our membership arrives home, the neighbors will have called about the incessant bell ringing, there'll be a purple stain on the new carpet and our leadership, in possession of purple mustaches, will deny all suggestion of misappropriation. As stated above, this is the best way of describing our use of the Pot of Monies.

Those who disagree with this policy are encouraged to apply for a position on The Board of Dictatorial Governance so they might take part in the booty. This will often curb the members feelings regarding perceived misappropriation of funds.

Article III, Section 4. The Preservation Society Company Store

Without question, the concept of the company store has encountered some negative feedback throughout the course of its existence. In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, a company store was often set up in a town of working people. The aforementioned store was owned by the same entity which employed the patrons. More often than not the company store was the sole location which goods could be procured in the area. As the lone provider of necessities, the company store’s lack of competition in the market forced employees to purchase on credit or use scrip, the proprietary currency of the owner organization. Thus the customer/employee was kept in a cycle of perpetual debt. Sounds great. Let’s give it a try.

The Preservation Society Company Store is a top-of-the-line emporium of all things essential to a member’s ensemble. We gladly accept cash, credit, Travelers Cheques, bitcoins, and Scrip.  

The Preservation Society Company Store Inventory (subject to availability and change without notice)

• Scrip Exchange* (think of it as a gift card but better)

• The Preservation Society Pin of Distinction

• Standard Issue T-shirt

• Standard issue dad-style briefs

• Standard issue Shorties™

• Standard issue Windbreaker

• Standard issue ball cap

• Kraft Mac-n-Cheese ration

• Standard issue Applebee’s $20 gift card

• Original The Preservation Society CD, Bylaws and Conditions on Compact Disk

• Standard issue pre-dampened rag

• Non-soviet era lightbulb three-pack

• The Preservation Society Peanut Butter Meltdowns- Discontinued

• Gravitational Field Tester Kit

*The exchange rate for scrip is tied to the rate of First Class Mail via the U.S. Postal Service at the time of publication or amendment of this document. 49¢ = 1(one) scrip. This rate is meant to encourage members to purchase their Scrip before the next edition or amendment.